


These Things Inside My Head

by HeavenlyMess



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Danger Days Era, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Frerard, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Schizophrenia, shaved head frank iero
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27036256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyMess/pseuds/HeavenlyMess
Summary: Gee is an artist. He loves to paint and create things.He also hears voices.Then he meets the boy from the tree, Frank.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Mikey Way/Original Character
Comments: 20
Kudos: 27





	1. colors

**Author's Note:**

> *this is basically the movie Benny and Joon, but make it frerard, with some slight changes*

Red and blue.

And some green.

Gerard liked the feeling of the paint in his hands, mixing it all together on the canvas with his own fingers. He liked the shapes he could form, how it didn’t have to make sense, how he could put his messy thoughts into paper.

How he could bring the voices in his head to life.

It was the only way he could express himself.

No one else understood him.

Not his brother, not the stupid lady he had hired to take care of him, not his doctor.

They didn’t know what was on his mind.

They all thought he was crazy and a little slow.

Maybe they were right. But maybe they just couldn’t understand he was different. He didn’t like people and preferred to be on his own.

He just needed some paint and paper and canvas and he was happy.

He just wanted to be happy.

Couldn’t they understand that?

Ms. Glenda came in, out of nowhere, interrupting his flow. ‘Take your medicine,’ she said, but Gerard just gave her a look. _Not now._ ‘I’m not leaving until you take it.’

‘Fine.’ And he turned around to take the pills from Mrs. Glenda and put them in his mouth and then took a sip of water. ‘Happy?’

‘Yes.’ She started to walk away, but then turned back to Gerard. ‘Were you painting with your feet, too? They’re nasty. I expect you wash them properly next time you take a shower.’

The moment she left, he tried to keep painting, but the voices were quiet now, and he didn’t know where to go from there.

With nothing to do, he went to the kitchen and got celery and peanut butter – except there was no peanut butter.

This called for an emergency.

‘Mikey, Mikey,’ he said, repeating while he waited for his brother to pick up the phone. When it finally did, it wasn’t Mikey, though. ‘Ray?’

‘What’s wrong, bud?’

He hated when Mikey’s friend treated him like he was stupid. He wasn’t. ‘Can I talk to Mikey? There’s been an emergency.’

He heard Ray calling his brother and then he was back. ‘He’s asking what kind of an emergency?’

‘There’s no peanut butter.’

***

While he waited for Mikey to come back home, Ms. Glenda called him from upstairs. ‘The bath is ready for you, Mr. Way,’ she told him.

‘But today is Wednesday. I don’t shower on Wednesdays.’

‘But you’re covered in paint and your hair is greasy.’

‘But I don’t shower on Wednesdays –’ He had a schedule. He had to stick to it. She knew it. Otherwise the monsters would come and take him. They had told him once. ‘I can’t, I can’t,’ he kept repeating. And then the voices were back to remind him, and he had to make them shut up. ‘I’m not doing it, I’m not doing it,’ he mumbled. ‘I don’t wanna go,’ he screamed and then again.

Ms. Glenda backed off, scared. She was not prepared for this. She had had enough. She was aware of Gerard’s condition, and she knew she didn’t have the training to take care of someone like him. She used to be a caregiver at a nursing home. While she treated patients with dementia, it was nothing like this. And she’d seen enough.

Just then, Mikey walked through the door, and heard his brother screaming upstairs. He found him sitting outside the bathroom, crying, and chanting something about not wanting to go somewhere.

And Ms. Glenda was grabbing her stuff and walking towards the door. ‘What is happening?’ Mikey asked.

‘I’m sorry, Mr. Way. I can’t do this anymore. He needs someone who knows how to deal with this.’ Mikey knew she was right. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know how to treat his sudden meltdowns. I’m sure they can find someone who does.’

‘But it’s so last minute. I need to get back to work.’

‘I’m sorry.’ And then she was off.

‘Mikey – they’re back,’ Gerard said crying. For now, Mikey had more important things to do.

***

Mikey was the younger brother, but since they were kids, he knew he had to take care of Gerard. Then, their mom died when he was in high school, and he had to drop out to help with Gee. Their dad died not long ago, and now it was just the two of them.

And no matter what, Mikey was always there for Gerard.

Always.

That was the first thing he told Ray when he applied for the job at the auto shop. ‘I have to be there whenever my brother needs me,’ he had told him.

‘Okay.’ But soon Ray met Gerard and he understood.

‘What happened?’ Mikey asked Gee while they had dinner. Chicken noodle soup for him, celery with peanut butter for Gerard.

‘She wanted me to take a shower. I told her I don’t shower on Wednesdays, but she wouldn’t listen. Then the voices started.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Gee seemed better now, and he didn’t like talking about the voices when he was feeling better. ‘But what are we doing now? We need to hire a new nurse.’

‘I don’t need a nurse.’

‘Gee, you need assistance. What if you have a meltdown or you forget to take your meds?’

‘She didn’t even know how to help with the meltdowns.’

He was right. ‘But I can’t leave you alone.’

‘Why not?’

There were so many reasons, but Mikey wasn’t about to ruin the mood. ‘Well, now you’ll have to come to poker night with me.’

‘What if I don’t want to?’

‘I don’t care. You’re coming with me until we find you another nurse.’

‘Mikes I’m twenty-eight. I’m an adult.’

‘You’re coming. Get ready.’

***

He put on some jeans and Mikey helped him to wash his hands. Gerard found a yellow mask on his desk and put it on, and then they were off.

Every Wednesday, Mikey and his friends got together to hang out and play poker at Tony’s house. He lived five minutes from the Way’s house, and as they were parking in the driveway, Gee noticed there was a guy sitting in the tree outside the house. He looked small and sad, and was wearing a brown cardigan, and had a shaved head. And he was looking back at Gerard.

 _Shit_.

He looked away as soon as he noticed, and got out of the car, then ran inside the house. Tony and all of Mikey’s friends were used to him by now, and even got him new paints and a sketch book so he could entertain himself while they played.

‘Sorry –,’ Mikey apologized, being the last one to arrive. ‘I had to help him get ready. Our last nurse just quit and I couldn’t leave him alone.’

‘It’s okay,’ Tony said. ‘Let’s start.’

The bets started. They all bet one dollar to start, and it got higher as they went on. Sometimes they would add things like cleaning someone’s house or doing the groceries or silly items they had around. And usually Mikey would win thanks to his perfected poker face.

They would talk about the tiny interesting things going on in their lives or complain about their bosses or customers.

Mikey was grateful for them, being the only family he had now, besides Gee, and was grateful for these nights.

‘Did I tell you about my new roommate?’ Tony started.

‘No,’ Mikey replied. ‘You got a new roommate?’

‘My cousin. He’s twenty-eight and barely knows how to read. His mom needed to move to California for work, but he didn’t want to leave Jersey. So he’s staying with me.’ He shuffled the cards as he told them. ‘He spends all night cleaning the house and listening to music. I haven’t slept in a week.’

‘That sucks,’ Ray said.

‘Tell me.’

Mikey checked on Gee, but he seemed too focused painting.

The bets started. A hundred dollar bill, a $25 gift card for a Mexican restaurant, a pack of condoms and a black cape from a costume.

And Mikey won them all.

***

Mikey had no choice but to trust that Gerard would be okay by himself.

And he seemed to enjoy the new cape, pretending he was a vampire. An artist vampire with his own studio. ‘I’ll be fine, Mikey,’ he insisted.

‘Call me if you need me.’

‘I will.’

As soon as he left, Gerard made himself his usual breakfast. Cereal milkshake. Poured milk in a blender, then Count Chocula cereal – it seemed the most fitting choice – and peanut butter, because everything was better with it. Nice.

And then he walked out of the house.

He had things to do.

The voices had told him that he should find a cave to live from now on. He didn’t know where he could find one, but he could walk around town.

He walked and walked.

Then he kept walking.

He heard cars honking, and it got too loud, and he started screaming.

Then someone was pulling him to the sidewalk. ‘Honey, are you okay?’ the lady asked, but Gerard didn’t answer.

She did see his bracelet, though. _Gerard Way. I’m schizophrenic. If you find me, please call Michael Way,_ it read, and then a phone number followed. She called the number, and waited for the person who was in charge of the guy next to her.

‘Thanks for letting me know,’ Mikey said, and hugged his brother. ‘It’s okay, Gee. Let’s go home.’


	2. the cousin

‘Here. Take it,’ Mikey said handing Gerard his pills and a glass of water. ‘I made an appointment with your doctor tomorrow, okay?’

The older brother nodded and took the medicine. ‘I’m sorry, Mikes.’

‘Let’s get you to bed, okay?’

‘But it’s only noon.’

‘I know but it’s a special day, and you get to be lazy as much as you want. You don’t have to help me with the dishes today, okay.’

‘Okay.’

Gerard changed into his Star Wars pajama pants and insisted on wearing the cape to bed. ‘I’ll be in my room, so if you need anything -‘

‘I’m fine, Mikes.’

And he really wanted to believe him.

***

‘How is he doing?’ Dr. Raschel asked, going through Gerard’s last test results.

‘He has good and bad days,’ Mikey answered, not wanting to admit he’s getting worse. ‘But lately there have more bad days.’

Dr. Raschel nodded. ‘I see. He seemed calm today when I talked to him.’

‘It’s one of his good days. But just yesterday – he walked out of the house by himself, stood in front of cars and had a meltdown when they started honking.’

‘What happened to your nurse?’

‘She quit. She said she couldn’t handle him. And she was right, she kept messing with his routine, and that would just trigger him. But I can’t afford missing days at work to take care of him.’

‘We’ve already talked about sending him to a group home.’ Mikey almost jumped off his seat when she said that, furious and frustrated. ‘You’re too young, Michael. It’s okay if you can’t take of him by yourself. You shouldn’t have this much responsibility, and there are people trained to do that.’

‘But he doesn’t like that! And I’m his brother! I’m supposed to be there for him!’ He started crying.

‘I know, and this would be you helping him. He also needs to be around people like him, that always helps.’

‘But he doesn’t like people. He has me, and he has the guys. We’re his family.’

She nodded. ‘I understand. Can you at least consider it?’ she said, and handed him a brochure to a group home.

Mikey didn’t even open it, and left.

***

It was one of those weird good days for Gerard.

He’d spent most of the morning painting. Now that they upped his meds, he seemed relaxed. He tried writing, and working on his comic book.

And when Mikey asked if he was okay with mac and cheese for dinner, he agreed. They had dinner in front of the TV, watching a lame movie like in the old times, and for once it felt normal.

Mikey didn’t want to think that he wished Gerard could be like this all the time, that they had a normal life. But he kinda did, and it hurt to think about it.

But he loved his brother the way he was. He usually had very cool stories to tell, and he was funny and caring, and he wouldn’t change that for anything. ‘I love you, bro,’ Mikey said. ‘You know that, right?’

Gerard nodded. ‘I love you too.’

Mikey had asked for the rest of the week off to take care of him and look for another nurse. He tried calling the number Dr. Raschel gave him, but they didn’t have any nurses available, at least to treat someone like Gee. So he kept looking.

In the meantime, Gerard sat in the basement, hands covered in paint and pastels working on his new masterpiece. Their name was Lola and they were a tall, pink creature that was always there with Gerard. He liked to think they took care of him. So Gerard wanted to do something for them.

‘Gee, c’mon –,’ Mikey announced as he walked in the basement. ‘You need to take a shower. We’re going to Tony’s.’

‘But it’s not Wednesday. It’s Sunday.’

‘I know. But he and his wife have a barbeque. They invited us.’

Gerard got up. ‘Do I have to shower?’

‘Yes. You have pink paint on your hair and your whole face is stained with chalk.’

‘Pastels.’

‘Whatever. Get in the shower.’

Half an hour later, they were heading out, Gerard wearing his yellow mask again. And the guy with the brown cardigan was still up in the tree.

As Bob and Tony were getting ready for a game of poker, Gerard was drawing something on his pad, and Mikey was outside by the grill, talking to Ray. ‘So they want to send him to a group home?’ Ray asked.

‘Yeah. Dr. Raschel says is for the best. He’d have professionals taking care of him.’

‘I mean, she is right about that.’

‘Yeah, but I’m his brother, I’m supposed to take care of him.’

‘I know. But you’re also supposed to have a life. Don’t you want to have a girlfriend, go on dates, travel the world?’

‘Of course. But Gee is always first. And I can’t leave him too, not after both mom and dad died.’

‘I get it.’

Inside, Bob and Tony were getting desperate and hungry. ‘What the hell are they doing out there?’ Bob asked.

‘I can play poker,’ Gerard said out of nowhere, making the other two guys turn around. ‘What? I’m not stupid.’

‘Okay, c’mon.’

The first bets were Gerard’s used brush, Bob’s watch and a chocolate bar Tony found on his counter. And Gerard seemed to have an idea.

At some point, Bob passed and it was just Gerard and Tony. And instead of showing his cards, in an overconfident tone, Gerard said, ‘If I win, you take me to Comic Con this year.’

‘Wow,’ Bob said, not knowing what to expect.

‘Fine,’ Tony replied. ‘But if I win, you take my cousin off my hands.’

‘Hey! You can’t bet human beings!’ Bob yelled.

But neither of them seemed to care, and Gerard showed his cards. Two pairs.

Tony jumped off his seat, yelling in celebration. ‘I won!’ And he threw his cards on the table. Full house. Just then, Mikey and Ray walked in, carrying two trays of food, and heard Tony celebrating. ‘What happened here?’ Mikey asked.

‘I lost,’ Gee said, sounding defeated.

‘Oh, yeah? And what’s on the pot?’

‘A cousin.’

***

‘You can’t bet a human being!’ Mikey said, putting on his jacket, and pulling Gerard’s arm to leave.

‘That’s what Bob said,’ the older Way said as they walked out.

‘Well, he’s right. And you,’ he pointed at Tony, ‘You took advantage!’

‘Of your mentally ill brother?’ Gerard continued. ‘Say it!’

‘No, that’s not –’

But they were interrupted by the sound of metal hitting metal, and noticed the guy using a shelving as drums, hitting it with two rusty iron tubes.

Gerard recognized the brown cardigan.

But he didn’t even notice them there. He had his headphones on.

‘Frank! Shut up!’ Tony yelled and ran to pat him on his back to get his attention.

‘Oh, I’m sorry!’ the guy mumbled, putting the tubes aside, and taking off his headphones.

Gerard was shocked.

He thought he was one of his hallucinations. But seeing as Tony was talking to him, he was very real. And now he was walking closer. He had pins on his cardigan and was wearing a gray beret. ‘Hi,’ he said, smiling. ‘I’m Frank, Tony’s cousin.’

Oh. So he was _the cousin._

‘Hi,’ Gerard said. ‘You’re not on your tree anymore.’

‘It’s not really my tree.’ They looked at each other for a while, smiling, before he turned to Mikey. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Mikey.’

‘How do you spell that?’ Mikey spelled it for him, as Frank took a piece of paper and pen from his back pocket, and wrote it down, repeating it several times.

‘I’m Gee.’

‘One e?’

‘Two.’

Frank wrote it. ‘I like your mask, Gee.’

‘Thank you.’

They kept looking at each other, before Gerard followed Mikey inside, and Frank was making his way back to the tree, when Tony stopped him. ‘Oh no, you’re going with them.’

‘Okay.’


	3. diners and basements

‘Thanks for inviting me,’ Frank said from the backseat, clearly unaware of the situation.

Mikey didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t completely okay with the idea, yet by the time he was getting in the car, the guy was already walking next to Gerard, carrying his suitcase, and he didn’t know how to tell him that it was all a bad joke.

Gerard was clearly excited about the idea, and he wouldn’t keep his eyes off him through the rear view mirror.

‘Frank –,’ he asked. ‘You like fries?’

Frank turn to him and nodded.

‘Mikey, can we go to the diner? We want fries.’

‘You guys just ate.’

‘But there were no fries. And I want fries, and Frank too.’ Mikey knew there was no way to win this one, and to be honest he was in the mood for a milkshake. So they stopped at the first diner he saw.

They sat at the bar, and the girl behind the counter asked for their order. ‘Can we have a large order of fries, please?’ Gerard asked. ‘And a root beer float.’

‘I’ll have a chocolate shake,’ Mikey said.

‘I’ll just have a Coke,’ Frank said.

Mikey gave him a look. ‘Are you sure? You can get anything.’

‘I’m okay.’

‘You can have some fries, if you want,’ Gerard said.

‘Thank you.’ They looked at each other for a second, before Frank looked away blushing. While they waited for their food, they were quiet, none of them knowing what to say or how to start a conversation. Frank got bored, so he grabbed two rolls of bread from the basket and stuck a fork on each of them, and then he pretended it was a pair of feet dancing to the 50’s song that was playing on the speaker.

Gerard seemed amused by it, and had the biggest smile on his face.

Then, the song ended and _Heartbreak Hotel_ started playing, and Frank wanted to make him smile, so he started singing, and got up to make his best impression of Elvis, playing air guitar and swaying his hips.

By then, everyone else in the diner seemed to enjoy his performance.

Though Frank didn’t pay attention to them. He seemed to be in his own world as he pretended to play the solo, almost knocking someone’s food to the ground.

A server with long black hair and wearing all black under her white apron, approached him. ‘Hey, dude! You’re cool and all, but can you not? You’re disturbing everyone’s peace.’

He quickly turned around and grabbed her by the arm, avoiding the fall. Standing closer to her, he gasped. ‘It’s you –,’ he said. ‘Katie Holly!’

The girl blushed.

‘I saw you playing with The Vampire Nuns at the Loop Lounge a couple times!’ Frank said excited.

‘You were there?’ she asked, a little embarrassed.

‘Yeah! You were incredible! I loved your Misfits covers.’

‘Thanks, no one really liked us but –’

‘I did! You even made me start playing bass again!’

‘That’s cool, dude!’

Frank just smiled. ‘Okay, gotta go with my friends.’ He started eating, and Mikey looked at him, not sure how he went from dancing like Elvis to having a conversation with a complete stranger to sitting in silence and eating fries in less than five minutes.

Now, Mikey was no psychologist and he had no right to judge, but there was definitely something off about him. And he didn’t know if it was right to ask, but he had enough taking care of one mentally ill person, he didn’t want to add another one to the mix.

But he couldn’t just tell him to go back to Tony’s.

***

‘You’re going to stay in the basement, okay?’ Mikey said, leading him downstairs. ‘Usually Gee paints down there, but he won’t bother you, I promise.’

‘It’s okay. I don’t mind. It’s your house.’ He looked around. The basement was bigger than his room back home at his mom’s, though half of it was covered in canvas and palettes. The floor was all covered in paint. And in the back, there was an old futon. ‘Here,’ Mikey said, fixing it for him and handing him a blanket and a pillow. ‘It’s comfortable as hell, even better than a bed.’

Frank tried it for himself, throwing himself to the futon, and Mikey was right. ‘Thank you. This is better than the air mattress Tony gave me.’

Mikey nodded. He felt a little bad for the guy. ‘It’s okay. Just don’t touch any of Gee’s stuff. He’s very special about it.’

‘Okay.’

Mikey went upstairs, leaving him alone. But just then, Frank began to explore. He looked at all the paintings, some half-finished, some with just a few strokes here and there. But Gee was sure talented. He especially liked the pink furry creature. ‘That’s Lola,’ Gee said from behind, making Frank jump.

‘She’s pretty.’

‘They.’

‘Oh! Sorry. They’re pretty.’ Frank reached for the canvas with his finger, but Gerard stopped him. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Just don’t touch it, okay.’

‘Okay.’

Gerard wouldn’t keep his eyes off him, not even trying to be subtle. ‘I like your tattoos,’ he said.

‘Thank you.’ Frank looked up at him, smiling and blushing. He had just med this strange character but there was something about him that made his stomach go nuts.

‘Good night,’ Gee said with a smile.

‘Good night.’


	4. the guest

Frank was orange, Gerard thought.

He was bright and happy.

Even when he was asleep and peaceful, he seemed to be shining. And Gerard wanted to reflect that.

He sat on the floor in front of where Frank was sleeping, with a piece of paper and pastels of every shade of orange he owned.

He liked how he slept with his mouth slightly open.

The dim light coming from the bathroom was barely enough to see his face, but Gerard didn’t want to wake him up.

He was almost done, when Frank stirred a little, and Gerard ran out of the basement as fast as possible, and woke Frank up from all the noise he made.

‘Good morning,’ Mikey said when he saw Frank walking in the living.

‘Good morning.’

‘So – I need to go to work,’ he broke the news just like that. ‘Can I ask a favor? Can you make sure he doesn’t leave the house?’

Frank nodded, not sure what was happening.

Mikey motioned for him to sit down. ‘So – here’s the thing.’ Frank was still half asleep, but he paid attention. ‘Gerard is – sick.’

‘How sick? What’s wrong with him?’ He sounded worried and sad out of a sudden.

‘He has schizophrenia.’

‘Oh.’

There was silence for a moment, and Mikey knew he had no idea what that meant. ‘Well – he kinda hears voices sometimes or sees things. So if you see him talking to himself, just don’t answer, okay?’ Frank nodded. ‘Whatever you do, don’t answer. And just let him go with his routine. He can handle himself. If he needs help with something, he’ll ask.’

‘Okay.’

‘And make sure he’s not around fire.’

He nodded, a little confused. In the meantime, Mikey got up and put on his jacket. ‘I left some coffee on the pot. I’ll be back by six. If you need something, my phone number is taped to the fridge.’ He walked to the door, and then turned back to Frank. ‘Don’t let anything happen to him!’

Once he left, Frank walked to the kitchen and found Gerard making one of his famous milkshakes. ‘Here, try it,’ he said, handing him a glass.

‘What is it?’

‘It has Froot Loops and peanut butter.’

By the time Gerard said, Frank had already had a sip, and he wished he hadn’t. But he pretended to like it and finished the whole thing.

‘So what do you do usually?’ Frank asked.

‘I paint.’

‘And –’

‘That’s all I do.’

‘Oh.’ Frank looked around, noticing how colorful it all was and the walls were covered with what he thought were Gerard’s drawings and paintings. He also noticed how cluttered it was and he was starting to get anxious. Maybe he could help with that as a way to thank them for letting him stay.

He took a shower and when he came out, he saw that Gerard was outside in the backyard, painting, so he let him be. He noticed they had one of those old portable stereos in the living room, and a CD collection next to it. _They have good taste,_ he thought. He put on the Misfits, and started cleaning their mess.

Dirty mugs everywhere. Socks and pens. The coffee table was covered in dust. There was paint on the walls. He rearranged the whole kitchen, and mopped the floors, singing and pretending the mop was a guitar.

He didn’t even hear Gerard yelling until the music was over after Gerard had unplugged the stereo. ‘What happened?’ Frank asked, standing on the couch playing air guitar.

‘It’s too loud.’

And then, Gerard just left.

***

By the time Mikey came back home, he didn’t see Frank anywhere, and Gerard was in the kitchen, nervous and shaking. ‘What happened? Are you okay?’ Mikey asked, worried.

‘He was jumping – and it was too loud – and then he yelled –’

Mikey just gave him a look.

‘He left.’

‘He left or you threw him away?’

By his laugh, Mikey guessed it was the latter. And then he noticed.

The house looked clean. The counters were uncluttered and everything was in its place. The floors weren’t sticky. He walked to the living room and noticed the ashtrays were gone, and there weren’t any dirty clothes. ‘He cleaned the house and you kicked him out?!’

Gerard nodded.

‘What the fuck? Why?’

Just then, the doorbell rang, and Mikey went to get the door. He found Frank standing there, looking at his feet. ‘Can I at least get my stuff back?’ he asked.

‘You don’t have to leave.’

‘I’m sorry for kicking you out,’ Gee said.

‘I’m sorry about the loud music.’

‘It’s okay,’ Gee said and hugged him, and Frank seemed to be surprised by the gesture, not knowing how to react.

And seeing as they were back in good terms, Mikey left them on their own. ‘I’ll go take a shower,’ he said. ‘I’ll see what we get for dinner after, okay?’

But Frank was already on it.

He made grilled cheese for them, and set the table. Gee and him sat and waited for Mikey. ‘So,’ Gerard started. ‘Why were you living with Tony?’

Frank frowned at the question. ‘I was living in California with my mom. And she – she wanted to send me to this –’ He had never talked to anyone about this. He didn’t really have anyone to talk to, to be honest. And Gee seemed to understand. ‘She wanted to send me to a hospital.’

‘Were you sick?’

Frank nodded. ‘My brain. I have –‘ He talked slow and pausing every now and then. ‘I have bipolar disorder and depression. And OCD.’

Gerard gave him a look. It wasn’t pity. It was more like genuine pain. Frank saw tears forming in his eyes, and he knew they came from a real place. He knew he could relate. And even though Gerard didn’t say anything, he knew it.

Gerard reached for his hand and let it rest on top of Frank’s and Frank didn’t move it. He just smiled, knowing they got each other now. Maybe their families couldn’t understand them, but they understood each other.

When they heard Mikey coming down the stairs, they both pulled their hands apart, and hid them under the table. But Frank could still feel the electricity from Gerard’s hand. ‘He made grilled cheese!’ Gee told his brother, excited.

‘I think we can keep you,’ Mikey said, and Frank and Gerard shared a smile.


	5. tapioca

Frank loved seeing Gerard paint.

He got so focused it was like the rest of the world didn’t matter.

He didn’t even care about Frank sleeping in the same room, and would sit there for hours painting and perfecting his masterpieces. At some point, Frank would wake up, and just sit there, not making any noise or getting too close. He’d put on his headphones and listen to The Misfits while he watched him.

Gerard knew he was there, but he never said anything.

They sat there for the longest time, until Gerard got hungry and walked to the kitchen, Frank following him without even asking. While Gerard made himself a cereal shake, he made himself a sandwich with whatever he found in the fridge.

Frank started to learn Gerard’s routine. His hobbies. His schedules. The days he took a shower and the days he didn’t. He knew not to insist, even if he was starting to smell.

He would let him have his alone time outside, knowing it was something important to him, and used that time to clean around the house. But at least he now knew not to put any loud music, and instead carried his iPod around and put on his headphones.

Suddenly, he realized he’d been living with the Ways for a whole week.

And he hadn’t even let his mom know.

‘Hey –,’ he said, walking up to Gerard, who was watching TV in the living room. ‘You have a computer I can borrow? I need to message my mom.’

Gerard got up without saying anything, and went to the desk by the corner where an old PC sat. ‘We barely use it,’ he said. ‘Mikey has his own laptop and I don’t really need one.’ He logged in, and let Frank sit on the chair.

Frank logged in to his Facebook, which he never really used, other than to message his mom. And when he checked his messages, he saw at least twenty unread ones.

_Are you okay?_

_Where are you? Why haven’t you answered?_

_You’re starting to worry me._

_Your cousin Tony told me you left with some strangers why didn’t you tell me?_

And so on. So he started to answer.

_Hi mom. I’m okay – I’m sorri I didn’t tell you but I don’t have a fone. But I made new frendz._

He typed each letter carefully and slow, and Gerard was getting desperate just watching him and seeing all the misspelled words. ‘You need help?’ he asked.

Frank didn’t even think twice and nodded.

Now Gerard sat on the chair, and fixed all the words for him, then added more. _I befriended two very nice brothers, Gerard and Mikey Way, who welcomed me into their home and feed me and make sure I’m okay. No need to worry about me. I’ll be in contact soon._

‘That doesn’t sound like me,’ Frank said. But it was too late, Gerard had already sent it.

They stood there for a while, without saying a word, before Frank turned to him. ‘You wanna go eat out?’ he asked. Gerard just nodded, and followed him.

They walked to the diner, the same one they went when he moved with them, and as they walked in, Katie the server recognized them. ‘What are you getting, guys?’ she asked.

‘I’ll get a bowl of tapioca,’ Gerard said.

‘I’ll get the same thing.’

While they waited for their food, Katie got them milkshakes, and they started talking. ‘So it’s just you and your brother?’ Frank asked. ‘Where are your parents?’

‘They died.’

‘I’m sorry.’ He reached out for Gee’s hand and he let him. They held hands for the next half an hour until they were done with their food, and talked about Star Wars, and David Bowie. They asked each other questions, and Frank mentioned he needed money to get his meds, and Gerard promised to help.

They walked around and visited a few shops even though they didn’t have a lot of money, but when they walked in the comic book store, they stayed for at least an hour while Gerard explained to Frank his favorite comic books, and Frank listened attentively.

While looking through the dollar bin, Frank found an old horror movie he used to watch when he was a kid, and he only had two dollars left after lunch, so he bought it.

They were walking back home when a red car drove next to them, and honked. ‘Guys!’ the driver yelled. It was Katie. ‘You need a ride?’

They didn’t even think twice and got in the car. ‘Thank you, Katie,’ Frank said from the backseat.’

‘Yes, thank you! You wanna join us for movie night?’ Gerard said.

‘That’s really nice of you, guys!’ Katie replied. ‘But I don’t want to be a pain in the ass.’

‘You’re not!’ Frank interrupted. ‘You gave us free milkshakes. It’s the least we could do.’

When they pulled over to the Ways’ house, Mikey was already yelling at them. ‘Where the fuck were you?!’

‘We went out to eat, Mikes,’ his brother tried to explain. ‘And then, Katie gave us a ride –’

But by then, Mikey had already noticed the presence of the young waitress, and his face went red. ‘Thanks,’ he mumbled. ‘For bringing them home.’

‘It’s nothing. They’re really sweet and I couldn’t let them walk home this late.’

‘Oh,’ Frank interrupted. ‘She’s staying for movie night.’

Frank made popcorn, and Gerard got sodas from the fridge, and they sat on the couch. And all throughout the movie, Frank would repeat the lines and pretend he was the killer, causing both Gee and Katie to laugh, while Mikey rolled his eyes.

When the movie was over, he walked Katie to her car. ‘Thanks for bringing them home, really,’ he said. ‘They can be a little –’

‘They’re sweet. And Frank is funny. So thanks for inviting me.’

‘Anytime.’

They stood there for a minute or two, nervous. ‘Anyway, I gotta go,’ Katie said, finally getting into her car, and started the engine, while Mikey waved.

Except it didn’t start.

‘At least there’s a mechanic in the house, right?’ Mikey said, laughing. He got his toolbox, and noticed his brother and Frank weren’t in the living room as they were just five minutes ago. He checked the car, and moved things around, but still, nothing worked. ‘I’ll take it to the shop tomorrow. I can give you a ride.’

‘Would you?’

He nodded nervously and went to get his keys.

***

Frank sat on the floor while Gerard got a big piece of paper from his art supply box. He set it in front of Frank, and got the palette and a box of acrylic paint.

He started by submerging his index finger in the blue paint and then doing a few strokes. Frank followed suit but with the yellow paint, a smile on his face.

Then, Gerard took his hand and dipped it in the purple paint, and helped him to paint on the paper. Frank was giggling nervously as they both played around with all the colors, their hands brushing against each other every time.

He could feel Gee’s eyes on him, and he turned to face him. By then, he was too close, almost breathing against his face. Frank leaned in even closer breathing in his, their mouths too close, barely brushing against each other. He could feel the electricity coming out of Gee’s body, his warmth.

And then, he just closed the gap and kissed him.

It was short and sweet, and they were both giggling afterwards.

They kissed again, and again, and Frank had a weird feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t quite place. But he liked being with Gee, he liked kissing him, and he liked how it felt every time he did.

‘Bloop,’ Gee said, poking his nose and leaving a blue mark, before walking back to his room just like that, leaving Frank short of breath and feeling like he was floating. He had never felt like that, and he was so happy he couldn’t believe it.


	6. manic

‘Good morning,’ he heard someone say, and when he opened his eyes, he saw Gee right there in front of him, sitting on his futon and smiling at him.

It was the best thing he’d ever seen in his life.

Suddenly his stomach felt weird again, and he remembered the night before, and how Gee’s lips felt on his.

It was something new for Frank.

At least with a guy. He wasn’t expecting it.

That funny feeling inside him.

And before he had a chance to fully open his eyes and get up, Gee leaned in closer and kissed him again.

It was barely a peck, but it was enough to make him smile like crazy and fog his brain for a moment. All his insides went soft around Gee, and he always had him gasping for air and smiling.

He wasn’t used to smiling this much.

And he couldn’t help himself.

Frank just pulled him from his shirt, and kissed him again.

‘I like this,’ Gee said.

‘Me too.’

They lay facing each other, and Frank traced his fingers along the paint stains on his necks, a reminder of the night before. While Gee traced the tattoos on Frank’s arms. ‘Is this a scorpion?’ he asked, poking his neck.

‘Yeah,’ Frank answered with a shy smile.

‘What’s the story behind it?’

‘Well – I wanted to be in a band, and my dad wanted me to get a real job. So I figured, if I get a neck tattoo, no job would hire me.’

‘You’re smart.’

‘I thought so. Up until the moment I really needed a job, and they wouldn’t hire me.’

Then Gee grabbed his hands, studying each and every finger and the letters tattooed on the knuckles. _Halloween._ ‘You must really love Halloween.’

‘I do. It’s my birthday.’

‘Really? That’s so cool!’

They stayed liked that for a while, looking at each other, not letting go. And Frank went for another kiss, but this time, lingering a little longer. He slipped in a little tongue, causing the other to gasp in surprise, and giggle.

Then, they just looked at each other, not saying a word.

Just smiling and enjoying each other.

‘Mikey left for work,’ Gee said out of nowhere. ‘We should go get breakfast.’

Frank nodded and followed him upstairs.

Gee made himself his cereal shake, and Frank his sandwich. And after that, Frank made sure Gee took his meds. ‘Now you take yours,’ the taller man said, because that’s what they usually did.

But Frank was out of his. ‘I forgot mine downstairs,’ he said. ‘I’ll take them later.’ He had just taken his last pill the night before. And he needed to get a job to buy another refill.

‘Okay.’

Frank just hoped he’d be okay until then.

***

‘How have you been, Gerard?’ Dr. Raschel asked.

‘Good,’ he said with a smile. He couldn’t help it.

‘Michael tells me you haven’t had any meltdowns since the last time we saw each other. Is that right?’

‘Yeah.’

‘No voices, nothing?’

‘No. I’m taking my medicine.’

‘That’s good. I’m glad.’

‘Yeah. And Frank helps me.’

‘Can I ask who Frank is?’

‘He’s my friend. He lives with us.’ He wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell her just yet. She’d tell Mikey and Mikey wouldn’t let him have him. Mikey still treated him as if he was a child, and he wasn’t. He wanted a boyfriend.

He was old enough.

And he liked Frank.

‘Oh – your friend.’

‘Yeah.’ Gee couldn’t hide his excitement and joy, though.

After a while, he sent him outside, and Mikey walked in the office. ‘So – who is this Frank guy?’

‘Oh – he told you about him?’

‘Yeah, he said he was his friend.’

Mikey sounded surprised. ‘Yeah. He’s living with us for a while. He’s – the cousin of a friend. They do seem to get along, and he helps me when I’m at work.’

The psychiatrist smiled. ‘For a moment I thought it was another one of his hallucinations.’

‘Oh, no.’ Mikey laughed nervously. ‘He’s very real. And now that you mention it, Gee’s been a lot better since he moved in.’

‘Then, I’m glad. Maybe he needed a friend.’

‘Maybe he did.’

***

And while the brothers were out, Frank used that time to walk to the main street and look for a job. He thought that maybe he’d ask Katie if she could help him, but on his way there, he noticed the big sign on the record store.

_Help Wanted._

So he walked in.

‘Hey,’ he said to the man behind the counter. ‘I’m here for the job?’

‘Great!’ He handed Frank an application, and told him he could hire him as soon as possible.

‘Thank you so much!’

He walked back home, happy to have a job now, but not sure how he was going to make it without meds until he got paid. He was already starting to feel weird, and he knew what was coming.

He tried to ignore it, and instead, he cleaned the house.

Again.

And since he was by himself, he put on some loud music, and sand to the songs.

And just then, the door opened, and Mikey and Gee came in.

‘Frank!’ Gee screamed. ‘Turn it off!’

‘Oh, shit,’ Frank said, getting up from the floor, while Mikey turned off the stereo. ‘I’m sorry.’ But when he saw Gee angry at him, covering his ears, his reaction wasn’t what anyone expected from him.

He just started laughing.

First, just a giggle, but then, it got out of control, and he was on the floor, laughing maniacally, making Gerard even angrier.

‘Stop laughing at me!’ he yelled.

But Frank couldn’t, and the more he cried, the more Frank laughed.

Mikey, not knowing what to do, he took his brother upstairs to calm him down, but they could hear Frank still laughing. ‘What is happening? Why is he making fun of me?’ he asked.

‘Shh, I don’t know. But don’t take it personally, okay?’

‘But he’s not like that!’

‘I know, just –’ But Gerard started sobbing, and Mikey wanted to help, but he didn’t know how.

***

Frank tried to keep to himself.

He stayed downstairs, leaving the brothers alone, not wanting to hurt Gerard again.

His brain was already going like crazy, and he had the urge to scratch himself, and pull his hair, but he remember that was why he shaved it all off.

Instead, he put on his shorts and went for a run, to calm down and keep his mind off. And when he got back home, he was still full of energy, so he started cleaning again.

He also decided to vacuum.

And then he heard someone coming.

‘What the fuck?’ Gerard said behind him. ‘It’s fucking two in the morning! What are you doing?’

‘Cleaning.’

He looked around and saw there were no boxes in the living room, and the pile of clothes was nowhere to be found. ‘Why are you vacuuming right now?’

‘Because the carpet was dirty.’

‘It’s two a.m!’

But Frank didn’t care and kept vacuuming, so Gerard unplugged it.

‘But Gee!’ And then, he started crying.

By then, Mikey was up too. He had no idea what was happening, though. ‘Hey, Frank, are you okay, buddy?’ The shorter man looked at him with the biggest, most confused eyes, not sure himself. ‘You’ve been acting weird, man!’

‘I – I’m okay,’ he said, wiping off his tears, and then started laughing again, saying gibberish.

‘Frankie!’ Gee yelled, grabbing his arm to get his attention. ‘Have you got any sleep?’

‘I don’t need it. I’m okay.’

‘No, you’re not.’

And that was all he needed to snap back to the moment and realize what was going on. He wanted to apologize, especially to Gerard, but he couldn’t find the words or the courage to ask for help.

So he just let Gee hug him. ‘Come on, let’s take you to bed.’


	7. sick

Gee couldn’t understand what was wrong with Frank.

He just saw him crying, and when he tried to hold him, he fought him, pushing him and telling him he didn’t need help. ‘I’m okay!’ Frank yelled.

‘Frankie, please!’ Gee begged, sounding almost scared. But Frank kept pushing him hard until he sent him to the floor.

_Shit._

He didn’t realize until he heard the buckets of brushes and art supplies hitting the floor when Gerard hit the table behind him. That made him turn around, realizing what he did. ‘I – I’m so sorry,’ he said, almost in a whisper, and then ran to help Gerard get up, but he rejected him, looking at Frank with his sad green eyes, hurt. ‘I’m so sorry.’

Then, Frank started sobbing.

He didn’t mean to hurt Gee, to ruin the one good thing he had.

He had ruin everything else.

But Gee didn’t deserve any of this.

And he hated himself for it.

He crumbled on the floor, his arms around his head, wanting to scream and cry. He wanted to run away, so that everyone was safe from him.

Maybe his mom was right, and he was better locked inside a hospital.

He coursed himself, because now he had hurt Gee, and he didn’t have meds or money to get them anytime soon, and who knew what could happen.

Frank started to feel tired of crying, his body hurt and he felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore.

But then, two arms pulled him and hugged him. Gee.

He just let him and cried in his shoulder. ‘I’m okay, Frankie. Don’t cry, please,’ Gee whispered in his ear. ‘Please, I just want to help you.’

‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just can’t –’

‘No – it’s okay.’ There was a long silence, and Frank was holding tight to Gee’s shirt. He couldn’t understand how a soul as pure as Gee wanted to be with him, and he felt guilty because he was the one who was supposed to be taking care of him. 

‘I didn’t want you to see me like this –,’ Frank said, sobbing. ‘I don’t want to be like this. I only hurt everyone around me.’

‘No – don’t say that!’

‘But I hurt you! And I hate it! I hurt my mom, and no one is safe.’

Gee pulled apart and kissed him. He didn’t know how to help him, but he hated to see him crying. Was this how Mikey felt taking care of him? He wanted to tell him that he wasn’t mad, that he understood. But he wasn’t good with words. So he just hugged him, hoping that was enough.

‘Why are you so nice to me?’ Frank cried. ‘I’m broken!’

‘No, you’re not. You’re just sick.’ Gerard hated being sick, and how Mikey treated him like he was fragile, but now he understood.

He helped him to the futon, and tucked him in. ‘Don’t leave, please,’ Frank begged. ‘I don’t want to be alone.’

‘Okay.’ So he lay next to him, comforting him. They stayed like that for the longest time, Gee wiping off his tears. Then, out of nowhere, he asked, ‘Is this why your mom wanted to send you off to the hospital?’

Frank nodded, giving him the saddest look. ‘Maybe she was right. I’m too broken.’

‘No. Stop saying that.’

‘But it’s true. I –,’ he stopped himself before continuing. He didn’t want Gee to be afraid of him. Of who he was. Of what he could do. ‘But I am. I hurt people.’ And he couldn’t help letting it out. It all came out like a flood. ‘A couple years ago, it got so bad, and I was drinking. And I thought my ex-girlfriend was cheating on me. We were at a party and I saw her talking to someone so I went and beat the fuck out of him.’

Gee looked at him, the terror clear on his face. Though he couldn’t understand how his Frankie was capable of doing something like that.

‘That’s when they diagnosed me bipolar.’

‘So this is what it is?’ Gee asked.

Frank nodded. ‘I get these episodes of mania. Delusions, paranoia – and all this energy, and my brain just can’t stop. And if I get triggered, I tend to get violent.’ He was talking slow between sobs. ‘That’s why I’m scared. I’m scared of it getting out of control and hurting people again. Or just losing it out of nowhere. Or just depending on other people.’ He told him about moving in with his mom after getting diagnosed, and not being able to get a job. Losing friendships. Getting a restriction order from his ex. ‘I know I deserved that.’

Gee couldn’t help feeling sorry for him.

And Frank continued telling him about starting from scratch. ‘I know I’m sick, but it’s become who I am. I went to the grocery store, and I thought people were chasing me, and I started to scream, and they had to call the cops. That’s when my mom thought I had to go to the hospital.’ He paused. ‘So I sold one of my guitars and took the train back here to Jersey.’

‘But you were doing good. What happened?’

‘I was taking my meds.’

‘Where are they?’

Frank shook his head. He didn’t want to be a nuance. He didn’t want their pity. He didn’t know how to ask for help.

‘C’mon, Frankie. Tell me.’ As much as he hated taking meds, he knew they helped.

‘I ran out. And I don’t have money for more.’

‘Why didn’t you say that?!’

‘Because they’re expensive! And I just got a job to get more.’ And then he was crying again. ‘Just promise me you won’t sent me to the hospital, okay? I’ll try my best –’

It broke Gee’s heart to see him like that. ‘I promise,’ he said. And he stayed there until Frank finally fell asleep in his arms, before dozing off himself.

***

‘How is he?’ Mikey asked when his brother joined him in the kitchen in the morning. Gee still had his eyes half closed, and was only mumbling his answers.

‘Asleep, at least.’

There was a long silence. Then, the older brother spoke up. ‘Mikey? Thanks for taking care of me.’

Mikey didn’t need to ask where that came from, and it hurt to see that Gee was affected by that. ‘Not a problem, bro. I wouldn’t change it for the world.’

‘It’s just – I know it’s not easy.’ Mikey didn’t know what to say, so he just hugged him. ‘He’s off his meds. He needs to buy more.’

His brother looked up, a worried expression on his face because they could barely afford anything.

‘I got some savings.’ Mikey knew that, but it wasn’t fair that he used them for that. ‘He’s important to me, and I don’t want to see him like that.’

‘Okay.’ That was all that mattered.

He drove him to the pharmacy with the prescription that Frank gave him. The lady didn’t want to give him anything because the patient wasn’t present. ‘But he’s home, feeling like shit because he doesn’t have any meds,’ Gee cried. Mikey confirmed it, hoping that’d work. And maybe seeing Gee in tears convinced her, but she gave him the refill.

They found him awake, still in bed. Distant. ‘C’mon, Frankie,’ Gerard said. ‘You’ll get better.’

The younger Way looked at the scene, and it warmed his heart to see that side of his brother.

Reluctantly, Frank sat up and took the pills. The pharmacist had told Gerard how many to give him, and that it will take a day or two to see the effects. ‘And he needs to see a psychiatrist,’ she said and handed him a business card.

He wasn’t sure he could take care of him as it was needed.

What if he needed to go to the hospital?

But he had promised Frank he wouldn’t take him.

He just sad next to him, and told him stories, just like his mom did when he was having one of his bad days. He told him about Lola, the pink creature.

He sat there for the next day or two, taking care of him, and making sure he ate. Slowly, Frank started to come to. ‘Thank you,’ Frank said, and leaned closer to kiss him.


	8. safe

‘You’re feeling better?’ Gee asked, lying next to Frank on his futon.

He nodded with a big smile, and cuddled next to him. ‘Thank you. For everything.’

‘No need to thank me. I want you to be okay.’

Frank hugged him and rested his head on his shoulder, nuzzling his neck. He had never felt like this. Safe and taken care of. Which was funny because he thought he was supposed to protect Gerard, but it ended up being the other way around.

He wished he could stay there in his arms forever.

‘I love you,’ he said.

He didn’t even think twice about it. He meant it.

He pulled apart just to see Gerard’s speechless expression. ‘I mean it,’ Frank said. And then, he got on top of him, a leg on each side, pressing him against the thin mattress before kissing him. He felt how his heart was beating faster as the kiss deepened, his tongue playing with Gee’s. How his breath was short as they shared their morning warmth with other. He could hear Gee moaning under him, could feel his fingers deep on his back. Both their erections between them.

He giggled a little, surprised at his own reaction, biting Gerard’s lip. ‘I –,’ he tried to apologize.

‘Don’t –,’ Gee said panting. ‘It feels good.’

‘It does.’ And he kept kissing him, slow and with care. He kissed down his jaw and his neck, and stayed there, breathing him and enjoying him so near. Their skin touching.

‘I love you,’ Frank said again, leaning his forehead on Gerard’s and taking his hand to his chest so he could feel his heart beating. ‘No one had ever made me feel like this.’

Gee giggled, blushing, making Frank giggle too.

‘Let’s go have some breakfast, okay?’ Frank whispered in his ear.

Gerard was about to make his shake, but Frank stopped him. ‘I’ll cook something for you today.’ He made eggs benedict, and told him about the time he used to work as cook at a restaurant. Gerard hesitated to take a bite, while Frank waited for his opinion, but gave him the thumbs up when he finally did it. ‘See? Sometimes it’s good to change it up.’

They took their meds, and Gerard sat to work on a comic book he was writing. ‘What is it about?’ Frank asked, interested in his little doodles.

‘It’s about the end of the world.’

‘Okay –’ He looked at all the panels and recognized the yellow mask one of the characters was wearing. ‘Hey! That’s your mask!’

Gee nodded, smiling.

‘Is he one of your –’ Frank started asking, careful not to offend him.

‘My hallucinations?’ Gee finished the answer. ‘No. And you don’t have to be afraid to say it. He’s just a braver version of myself.’

‘I like his red hair.’

‘Me too.’

***

‘C’mon, idiots!’ Mikey yelled from upstairs. ‘We need to leave.’

‘Where are we going again?’ Frank asked.

‘The park. He invited Katie to a picnic.’

‘So they’re a thing now?’ Gerard nodded, and Frank replied with a smirk. ‘Nice! Are we a thing too?’ He wrapped his arms around Gerard and licked his neck.

‘I think we are,’ Gee said giggling. ‘But I have to talk to Mikey, okay? He’s a little overprotective sometimes.’

‘But I can protect you too.’

‘I know. And sometimes I wish neither of you thought of me as someone who needs protection.’

Frank nodded. He knew that. He wished the same thing.

‘Now, let’s go before he finds us making out.’

They hurried upstairs, where Mikey was already waiting by the door. ‘Get in the car.’

And though Gerard had insisted that they should at least stop at the convenience store for dessert, he said Katie was bringing the food. ‘Dude!’ Frank said. ‘It’s not gonna last with her if you expect her to do everything!’

‘Since when are you the expert in relationships?’ Mikey said, looking at him through the rearview mirror.

Frank didn’t answer the question. ‘I just know that both people have to give something without the other expecting it.’

‘Fine!’ He agreed to stop at the next convenience store, and had both Frank and Gee pick whatever they wanted. So they got chips, soda and cookies.

‘Get her flowers,’ Gee said.

‘What? No!’

‘Wow! Now I know why you’re single!’ Frank added.

‘Shut up! As if you had a girlfriend!’

‘Who says I want a girlfriend? Who says I’m single?’

‘You’re not?’

Frank just smiled, and followed Gee to the counter. They paid for all the snacks and went back to the car, and when they turned around, Mikey was behind them with a cheap bouquet. ‘Who says romance is dead?’ Frank said and got in the car.

It was a Sunday, so the park was crowded, and they had a hard time finding Katie. But she was by the fountain, talking to a couple with a dog. ‘Hey, guys!’ she said.

‘Hi!’ the three of them greeted in unison, and Mikey gave her the flowers as soon as she approached him.

‘Aww, this is so cute!’ she said.

‘Isn’t he romantic?’ Frank joked behind him.

‘Shall we?’

They sat on the blanket she had ready, and she gave them the sandwiches she made for them, and lemonade, and they started talking about Frank starting his new job that week. ‘You’re gonna do great!’ Katie said. ‘Mr. Alvarez is really nice, and I’m sure he needs some help.’

They kept talking, and at some point, Katie sat closer to Mikey, who leaned in to kiss her. Behind them, Gee made faces acting as if he was disgusted, and Frank just laughed.

Just a couple feet away from them, there was a street musician playing an acoustic guitar, and Frank lay on his back and his eyes closed. He missed playing music in bands. Being normal. He missed his friends, but he hadn’t reached them after his time at the hospital.

He wondered if what would have happened if he wasn’t bipolar.

Maybe he’d still be in a band. Still be with his girlfriend.

But then he looked up at Gerard, and knew he was better now.

When the musician took a break, leaving his guitar back on his case, Frank got up without saying a word and walked up to him. ‘Can I borrow it for a bit?’ he asked. The guy gave him a look, not sure he could trust him. ‘I’ll sit here, where you can see me. I just – haven’t played in a while, and I kinda miss it.’

‘Okay.’

So Frank grabbed it, and sat on the edge of the fountain, tuning the guitar.

And then, he just started playing.

It wasn’t anything complicated, just a riff that he clearly knew by heart.

And from the distance, Gerard watched him amazed.

Then, he started singing. And by then, he already had an audience. Even bigger than the one the musician had gathered.

Even Mikey and Katie were surprised by his talent, cheering for him and joining the chant asking for another song. So Frank sang another. _Be My Baby_ by The Ronettes.

Everyone cheered when he finished, and Frank just ironically bowed before handing the guitar back to his owner. ‘Dude! That was great!’ he told him.

‘Thanks,’ Frank replied laughing, and joined Gee.

‘That was awesome!’ he said, and Frank had to remind himself not to kiss him right now since Mikey was right there.

‘Hey!’ Mikey said, as if on cue.

‘I didn’t know you were _that_ talented!’

‘I’m not really, but thanks –’

‘Shut it! You need to be in a band! I have a friend who plays music, and I’m sure you guys can talk and maybe start a band.’ Suddenly, Mikey was more excited than even Frank.

‘Thank you.’ Mikey asked him if he was in a band before, and Frank told him about all the bands he’d been in, and the venues they played at.

‘Well, I’m taking Katie home, guys,’ Mikey said with a smirk, and Frank high fived him.

‘Go, don’t worry about us.’

‘Don’t stay out too late.’

‘We won’t,’ Gee said. And as soon as he was gone, and far away, he surprised Frank with a kiss. ‘I’ve been dying to do it all this time.’

‘I’m glad you did.’ They kissed again. ‘You wanna go home?’

They took the train back home, and went straight to the basement. Frank pulled him closer, attacking him with his lips as his hands traveled up his back. Gerard had his arms around Frank’s neck, and unconsciously started pushing his hips against Frank’s crotch.

They both moaned and panted with pleasure, as the kiss deepened.

Then, Gee pulled Frank’s shirt and took it off, leaving all his tattooed torso exposed. Frank didn’t say anything, and just let him run his hands down his chest and lick his neck. He wondered if Gerard had ever –

His hands were awkward and his kisses sloppy, but he was so turned on.

Fuck, he was good for someone who probably didn’t have any experience.

Gee tried to take off Frank’s belt, but his fingers were clumsy, and Frank had to help. ‘Hey,’ he whispered. ‘Have you ever –’

Gee shook his head. ‘Have you?’

‘Not with –’

But he didn’t finish his sentence before Gerard was all over him again. ‘But I saw some videos.’

Frank giggled. ‘Let me show you, okay?’ Gee nodded, and Frank led him to the bed, lips pressed against his. He took his shirt and then his jeans, not breaking the kiss. ‘Are you sure?’ he asked.

Gerard nodded.

And then his briefs were off.

Frank stared at his cock for the longest time.

He’d seen many before. Mainly in the PE locker, or public restrooms. And porn. But he’d never really _looked_ at one besides his own.

He took it, trying not to think about it too much, and just started pumping it, pretending it was his own. But he wasn’t expecting to get hard that fast from it. And Gerard moaning was making his dick hurt under his tight jeans, so he took them off.

Then he inserted the first finger. ‘It’s okay,’ he said when Gerard started screaming in pain, kissing him to ease the pain. ‘You like it?’ And by Gee’s face, the answer was obvious. So another finger went in, and then another.

‘It’s gonna hurt a little, okay?’

But he tried to be as gentle as possible.

Thrusting in and out and pumping him with the same rhythm until Gerard came in his own stomach, and Frank inside him not long after.

He showered him with kisses as they both came down from their orgasms, and then collapsed on top of him. ‘I love you,’ he whispered, already falling asleep.

‘I love you, Frankie,’ Gee said, stroking Frank’s shaved head.

They stayed like that for a while, and when Frank was passed out, Gerard put his clothes back on and went upstairs before Mikey came home.


	9. in love

Frank woke up to Gerard’s lips on his, and that was the best thing to wake up to.

‘Good morning,’ Gerard whispered.

Frank smiled, letting out a tiny moan. ‘Morning,’ he mumbled, pulling him closer and kissing the crook of his neck, staying there for a minute.

‘Last night –’ Gerard said, and that knot in Frank stomach felt bigger. He loved how direct Gerard could be. He said what he wanted to say.

‘What about it?’ Frank asked with a smirk, stroking his hair.

‘I liked it.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Gerard nodded. ‘Me too.’

‘Can we do it again?’

Frank laughed. ‘Yes, of course.’

Then, out of nowhere, Gerard disappeared under the covers, and Frank felt him tugging at his sweatpants. ‘Gee – what the hell are you doing?’ But then, Gee’s lips were on the tip of his dick and it fell like heaven. It had been a long time since somebody did _that,_ and Frank appreciated it.

Whatever videos Gerard was watching were having an amazing result.

When he took his entire member, Frank felt like he was ascending, and he had to grab Gerard by the hair to have something to hold on to.

And didn’t let go until he came and Gee took it all.

When Gerard leaned closer to kiss Frank, he had no idea how turned on he could get from Gerard just kissing him. But he looked so fucking –

‘Frankie,’ he moaned. And when Frank opened his eyes again and saw him there, so close – his big green eyes looking down at him, he completely lost it. ‘Thank you for treating me like a normal guy.’

Frank didn’t know what to say. He never thought of him any other way. But Gerard was so much more.

And he loved the parts that made him different more. The fact he had those nasty cereal shakes every morning. His amazing talent. How stubborn he was about his schedule. How he made him laugh more than anyone else. How he took care of him.

‘Thank you for making me feel normal,’ Gee repeated. ‘No one every treated me like this. You never treated me like a freak.’

‘You’re not. You’re – perfect.’

Gee giggled, and Frank pulled him for a kiss before clinging on to him and resting his head on the crook of his neck. ‘Now remind me why we’re up so early.’

‘I wanted to sneak in before Mikey wakes up.’

‘Look at you! So naughty!’

‘The things you make me do!’

Frank smiled at that, and they just stayed like that for another hour or so.

***

Frank started working at the record store the following day. ‘I’ll miss you,’ Gee said as he walked out the door.

‘I’ll miss you, too. But I’ll be here before you think.’

‘Okay.’

Frank pulled him closer for a kiss. ‘Promise me you’ll stay home until Mikey gets here.’

‘I will.’

He walked to the store, and made it just before eleven, when they were supposed to open. Mr. Alvarez had him fill out his paperwork, and gave him a quick rundown of the store and what they did. ‘It’s not too busy, especially this early. So we can restock,’ he explained, and Frank just nodded. Over the next couple hours, they talked about music and his schedule.

Soon, it was five and time to close the store. ‘Tomorrow, same time?’ Mr. Alvarez asked.

‘Yes, sir,’ Frank replied. ‘Thanks for the job.’

When he turned around, he was surprised to see Gerard standing there, with a bunch of flowers. ‘Hi,’ he said.

‘Hi.’ Frank walked up to him and kissed him. ‘I thought I told you to wait for me.’

‘Mikey called. He’s going to Katie’s. And I missed you, so I thought – we’d never really been in a date.’

‘Oh.’

‘You wanna go on a date with me?’

‘I’d love to.’

They walked to the diner, hand in hand, and they both ordered sandwiches and fries, and shared a chocolate shake, just to be cheesy. Gerard told him the whole plot of his comic book, how the main guy and his gang were trying to bring color and art back to society, and about the draculoids. Frank told him about his first day at work. ‘I’m gonna start working a couple days a week while I learn,’ he said. ‘But it’s easy. He had me doing inventory of the records he recently bought and taught me how to price them.’

‘That sounds fun.’

‘I always wanted to work at a record store.’

After that, they took a walk around the block, holding hands, stopping at the park and looking at dogs. Gerard asked him to sing something for him, so he sang him one of his songs, though he was blushing and covering his face.

When they got back home, Gerard went to the basement with him, and stood in front of his canvas to paint something. But all he could think was Frank and the what he made him feel.

It was a combination of colors.

He saw him sitting on his futon, listening to music and reading, so quiet and peaceful.

He tried to think what exactly he was feeling but it was too much.

Purple. Yellow. Orange. Blue.

Colors mixed on the canvas portraying what Gerard was thinking and feeling.

This bright light in the middle of chaos.

That was what Frank was.

‘It’s beautiful,’ Frank said behind him, coming closer and wrapping his arms around him. Gerard turned around to kiss him, his hand cupping his face and leaving a yellow stain.

 _Not as beautiful as you,_ Gerard thought, taking off his shirt to appreciate the real masterpiece that Frank was. His hands went down the side of his stomach, leaving purple and yellows strokes. Soon, Frank was covered in paint.

So obviously he put his hands on the orange paint, and did the same to Gerard.

Shirtless and aroused, they pressed against each other, hungry for each other’s touch, their tongues discovering the insides of each other’s mouths.

Without any hesitation, Gerard pushed him to the futon and started taking off his pants, not breaking the kiss. He tried to imitate everything that Frank had done the night before, and was surprised when Frank started moaning.

‘Can I –,’ he asked, and Frank nodded before he finished the question.

He _needed_ him inside him.

Which was strange since he had never been fucked before, but he just wanted it so bad.

‘There, yes –,’ he panted when Gerard had found that sweet spot. Soon, they were all covered in colorful paint and coming on each other.

Gerard crumbled next to Gerard, trying to recover his breath, and they both laughed hysterically. They felt light, floating.

‘You wanna do it again,’ Gerard whispered.

Frank just nodded, and got on top of him, kissing him. 

***

Mikey found them watching a movie in the living room, and noticed they both smelled like soap and had their hair wet.

‘Did you take a shower?’ he asked Gerard, who nodded. ‘But it’s Wednesday.’

‘I can be very persuasive,’ Frank added and threw a popcorn into Gerard’s mouth.


	10. the secret

Sunday morning, Frank could finally sleep in.

Work wasn’t tiring, but it was nice to not have to get up at eight to get ready. But he did find it weird that Gerard wasn’t there to wake him up or just sleeping next to him, and he kinda missed that.

When he got upstairs, still half asleep, he found the Way brothers in the kitchen, fighting over breakfast. ‘Gee – that is gross!’ the younger brother said. ‘And that’s not breakfast! I’m making scrambled eggs and bacon.’

‘But –’

‘Just let him have his shake, Michael,’ Frank mumbled on his way to the fridge. He was trying to avoid Gee or he’d kiss him right there in front of his brother.

‘Are you on his side?’

‘All I’m saying is – he’s not hurting anyone.’ With the jug of milk on his hand, Frank turned to Gerard. ‘You – maybe you can try what your brother made for you, and drink your shake with that.’

‘I guess.’ Just like that, he sat at the table, and started eating his food.

‘How did you do that?’ Mikey asked, impressed.

‘I told you. My persuasion skills are the best.’ They sat and didn’t really talk since Frank wasn’t completely awake, up until they finished and he started cleaning.

‘Hey – I’m going to Tony’s for poker later.’ Frank turned to him, not sure how to react. ‘I know he was an asshole with you, and I understand if you and Gerard don’t want to come, but just letting you know.’

Frank thought about it. He wasn’t entirely sure why he sent him to live with the Ways, but at least they treated him like an actual person, and they were helping him. And there was Gerard. He was grateful to have found him.

So he didn’t want to hold any grudge with his cousin.

‘I’m okay,’ he said. ‘I’ll go.’

***

When they made it to Tony’s house, they knew they had to pretend to be just friends, but Frank knew it’d be hard not to stare at Gerard all night.

‘Cousin!’ Tony greeted him as they walked in. ‘I missed you.’

‘Ha! You don’t have to lie!’ he replied.

His cousin did his best not to show his embarrassment, and went on. ‘How is it going?’

‘Better. They let me sleep in their basement, and help me a lot. I got a new job, and I’m back on my meds, so really good, actually.’

‘That’s good. I’ll make sure to tell aunt Linda.’

‘Oh, don’t worry. I call her every morning.’ Then, Frank went to join everyone in the dining room.

‘You guys are playing?’ Bob asked.

‘After the last time?’ Mikey interfered.

Then, Frank gave them a confused look. ‘What happened last time?’

‘Nothing,’ they all answered.

‘You think that because we’re mentally ill we’re stupid? We know how to count.’

‘I guess,’ Bob said, and the bets started. Frank bet twenty bucks and his lucky guitar pick, knowing he’d win. And he did, which meant Bob gave him his last two cigarettes and Ray his bag of Cheetos.

‘Thanks for everything, guys,’ Frank told them, taking his winnings, and getting up. ‘Go on,’ I’ll be outside.’

Without thinking it, Gerard followed him, and found him lighting a cigarette in the backyard. ‘You know how long it’s been since I smoked?’ the younger man said.

‘I didn’t know you were that good.’

‘Oh, I have my talents. And this is usually how I’d get enough money to buy me guitars and shit.’

‘Wow!’

‘Yeah. I just wanted to prove to them that we’re not dumb, you know. I hate when people give me that look.’

‘I know what you mean.’

Frank blew out smoke and turned to his boyfriend with a smile. ‘You’re not dumb.’ And then, he just leaned in and kissed him, forgetting about everything else.

‘Oh, shit.’ They heard a voice, and when they turned around it was Bob. ‘I’m sorry, I swear I didn’t see anything.’

But Frank was already freaking out. ‘Please don’t tell Mikey.’

‘I didn’t know you guys –’

‘We’re not –,’ Gerard interrupted, trying to help their case. ‘Just don’t tell him, okay? He doesn’t know yet. And I’m going to talk to him.’

‘I promise.’

And then, Gee went back inside, ignoring Frank, and clearly pissed off. Frank just stood there, watching him leave.

‘You really like him, huh?’ Bob broke the silence.

‘Is it really that obvious?’

‘Yeah. It is. So if you want to keep it a secret, don’t do that.’ He just patted Frank on the shoulder, before getting on his car. ‘But I’m happy you guys have each other. Truly.’

The rest of the night went without any issues, except Gerard hiding in the bathroom, and Ray convincing Frank to play guitar for them and show his skills, which ended up in a jam. He kinda appreciated it because it helped him not to think about Gee.

‘Dude! You need to get in a band!’ Ray said.

‘I used to.’

‘What happened?’

‘I got sick.’ Frank hated to talk about it, especially knowing the kind of reactions he’d get. But they seemed good people, and spending time with Gerard made him realize sometimes it helped to accept it.

Soon, they got and left for home. Gerard was still ignoring Frank all the way home, and he tried to understand but it hurt.

***

On Monday, Frank woke up to a note on his bedside table. _I’m sorry about last night. I just got scared. I’ll talk to Mikey tonight._

He wanted to tell him it was okay, that there was no pressure. And to apologize for having kissed him. And he knew Gee was somewhere close.

But he gave him some time.

He got ready and walked to work, trying to focus on inventory, and whatever Mr. Alvarez was telling him.

When he went back home, Gee was downstairs, waiting for him. ‘Hey –,’ he said as soon as he saw Frank come in, and ran to kiss him. ‘I’m sorry, okay?’

‘You have nothing to be worried about. I’ll wait.’

They kissed again, and made out and cuddled for a bit, until they heard Mikey coming home. ‘I brought dinner!’ he yelled from upstairs. They got up, hoping it wasn’t obvious what they were doing, and sat at the table. They talked about work, and Gee told them he was doing a painting to sell. ‘Before I forget,’ Mikey said. ‘I was talking to Ray, and another friend we know. And I think maybe we can get you an audition for a band.’

‘Really?’ Frank asked, flattered.

‘Yeah.’

Gerard interrupted. ‘Have you asked him if that’s what he wants?’

‘I –’ his boyfriend tried to say something, but then the younger Way continued.

‘I’m just trying to help him, okay? He has potential. He could be really big. He could be someone.’

‘But he IS someone.’

‘What is wrong with you?’

Gee didn’t answer, just shot a look at Frank, who looked back at him, not sure what to say.

‘What is going on?’ Mikey, asked confused.

‘Mikey,’ Frank started. ‘There’s something you need to know.’

‘What?’

‘Well – the thing is – Gee and I – we’re –’ But he didn’t know how to say it. That he had never been so in love as he was with his brother. That he would promise to take care of him and love him forever. It was a lot.

‘No – no way –’

‘Frank and I have been sleeping together,’ Gerard said, almost yelling. ‘We’re dating.’

‘Hell no.’ By then, Mikey was already up and pulling Frank by the sleeve of his cardigan. ‘Don’t you fucking touch my brother! Don’t you dare to take advantage of him!’

‘But –’

He couldn’t finish the sentence because Mikey had pushed him to the floor. ‘Get the fuck out of my house, and away from Gerard!’

‘But –’

‘I don’t wanna hear it! Take all your stuff and I want you out!’ He went upstairs, and Frank ran to the basement to grab all of his things. In the meantime, Gerard followed his brother.

‘You have no right!’ he yelled, furious. ‘We love each other! I have the right to have someone just like you do! I’m not a fucking kid!’

‘No! You’re fucking crazy, and I am going to send you to a group home.’ Just then, they heard the front door closing. Frank was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, an update!! I feel this is one of the least read fics, and not many people are interested in it, so I thought no one cared about it and that's why i hadn't updated it. But here it is, I hope you like it!


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